PADDemonium
Summary: Paris and Janeway prove that people just can't hold their liquor in the 24th century.
Characters: Janeway, Paris, Chakotay, Torres, Kim, Tuvok, EMH, Kes, Neelix
Codes: Janeway/Paris, Chakotay/Torres, Kim/f
Disclaimer: 'Tis of Paramount importance that my reader understand that I've borrowed temporarily these folks from TV land. I promise I will put them back when they have had their fun, and I'm making nothing out of this, so don't sue - no harm done!
Notes: Please fasten your seatbelt and keep your tongue firmly in your cheek.
Rated M
Part 2: Happy New Year
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AUTHORISATION: Capt. Kathryn Janeway, 1-6-alpha-3-4-3
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 19:32
SUBJECT: Reprieve
Lt. Paris,
I've decided to let you attend the festivities tonight. You can thank Commander Chakotay; he told me it wouldn't be a party without you.
See you at eight.
Janeway
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 19:45
SUBJECT: Oh, great
I thought I was going to get out of it, but the Captain just practically ordered me to come to the party. Harry, if you really are my friend, you won't let me anywhere near the egg-nog. Promise?
Tom
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 19:48
SUBJECT: *sigh*
Tom, as if anyone could drag you away from that stuff. I tried, remember?
I'll come by your quarters on the way. See you in a few minutes.
H
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Jenny Delaney, psi-1-5-psi-2
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 19:56
SUBJECT: Best behaviour
Jenny,
This is serious, now. No spiking Tom's drink. No daring him to streak through the mess hall. No dirty dancing. No matter how tempting it may seem.
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Jenny Delaney, psi-1-5-psi-2
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 19:58
SUBJECT: Temptation
Does this mean Tom's coming tonight after all? Fantastic!
Okay Harry, I'll be good. Considering that piece of information just won me a week's replicator rations on the betting pool, I can afford to be generous. See you tonight.
Jenny
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Mess Officer Neelix, zeta-zeta-7-1-3
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 20:22
SUBJECT: Serving wench
Neelix, don't you think you should be keeping an eye on Jenny Delaney? I believe that's the Captain's second helping of egg-nog. Maybe you could let Megan take over at the punchbowl for awhile?
H
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AUTHORISATION: Mess Officer Neelix, zeta-zeta-7-1-3
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 20:25
SUBJECT: Yikes!
Oops! She said she was Megan! I never could tell those two apart. Consider her barred - we don't want any repeats of last week's shenanigans, do we!
Neelix
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Jenny Delaney, psi-1-5-psi-2
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 20:35
SUBJECT: So much for best behaviour
Jenny, that's the third time you've refilled the Captain's glass! I thought Neelix was going to let Megan take over from you?
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Jenny Delaney, psi-1-5-psi-2
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 20:41
SUBJECT: Egged on
Harry, you told me I wasn't allowed to play any tricks on Tom. You never said anything about anyone else!
Besides, it's awfully staid in here. Wouldn't you like to see this party loosened up a little?
Jenny :)
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AUTHORISATION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
DISTRIBUTION: Capt. Kathryn Janeway, 1-6-alpha-3-4-3
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 20:55
SUBJECT: Behave yourself
Kathryn, did I just see you lining up for your fourth refill of egg-nog?
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AUTHORISATION: Capt. Kathryn Janeway, 1-6-alpha-3-4-3
DISTRIBUTION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:02
SUBJECT: Behave yourself yourself
This nig-nog is good. Leave me be. Even captains need to have fun. Spoilsport.
K
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AUTHORISATION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:10
SUBJECT: Assignment
Tom,
As you're on your best behaviour this evening, perhaps you could keep an eye on the Captain? Try reminding her of the effects of Neelix's egg-nog on the human equilibrium. I'm sure your insights will be very informative, from a medical perspective, of course.
Chakotay
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:14
SUBJECT: Babysitting duties
Chakotay's just ordered me to keep the Captain away from the egg-nog. Could you hide it or something? And tell Jenny that if she doesn't stop refilling the Captain's glass I'll spank her.
Tom
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:26
SUBJECT: ???
Did I, or did I not, just see the Captain come out of the kitchen with a new bottle of egg-nog? Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on her?
And don't mention Jenny Delaney and spanking in the same sentence, it's more than a gentleman's heart can stand. :)
Harry Kim, defender of maidens' honour, scourge of intergalactic evil
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AUTHORISATION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:40
SUBJECT: Neglecting your duties?
Tom, the Captain appears to be becoming quite intoxicated. Didn't I ask you to keep her away from the alcohol?
C
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:51
SUBJECT: Yes sir!
Commander, I'm trying, but every time I turn around she's sneaking into the kitchen for another bottle! And Ensign Delaney isn't helping. Shall I escort the Captain to her quarters?
Tom
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AUTHORISATION: Cmdr. Chakotay, 9-1-beta-4-7
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:53
SUBJECT: Escort service
Good idea, Tom. I'll make her excuses. Call the Doctor if you need assistance. And make sure there's a detoxifying hypospray available for when she wakes up.
And by the way, you've shown remarkable restraint this evening. Congratulations, and thanks for being such a good sport this past week. Hope your duties haven't put too much of a dampener on your night.
Chakotay
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 21:58
SUBJECT: Happy new year
I've got to take the Captain back to her quarters before she starts dancing on tables. Wish me luck!
Tom
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:02
SUBJECT: Luck!
And don't forget she's hidden a bottle under her jacket. I'll expect a full report in the morning, so don't go sharing that bottle with her, you dirty dog! ;)
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:06
SUBJECT: Dogged
Harry, you're not the only one who doesn't want to lose his rank! But could you do me a favour and stop by Sickbay for a detox hypo? I've got a feeling the Captain will be needing more than coffee in the morning.
Thanks
Tom
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:25
SUBJECT: Party favours?!
Harry, red alert ... unless I've had more of that damn egg-nog than I thought, I could swear I just saw the Captain leading Tom into Jeffries tube 15 alpha...?
B'Elanna
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:27
SUBJECT: Oh no!
Leave it with me.
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:38
SUBJECT: This is your conscience calling!
Tom, what the hell are you doing? The computer says you're in the Jeffries tube with the Captain. Do you need any help?
Buster
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:45
SUBJECT: It's under control
We're just talking, Harry. The Captain's promised not to drink any more. You can tell Chakotay that I'll have her in bed by midnight.
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:48
SUBJECT: That's what I'm worried about!
Tom ...
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AUTHORISATION: Capt. Kathryn Janeway, 1-6-alpha-3-4-3
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:52
SUBJECT: Butt out, Ensign
Mr Paris and I are having a disk - dish - discussion about the command structure on this ship. I was just telling Mr Paris that I like being on top. I mean, I like having him under me. I mean - never mind. Harry new year, Happy.
Kat
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 22:58
SUBJECT: Oh God
You and I will both be assigned to degaussing the hull with a nailbrush if you don't get the Captain safely to her quarters before Chakotay comes looking for you!
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:06
SUBJECT: On way
I'm taking the Captain to bed. I mean ... you know what I mean. I haven't had any egg-nog. I swear. We were just talking. She's really very good. I mean, she's good at talking. Um, gotta go.
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Susan Nicoletti, alpha-6-7-6-beta
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:09
SUBJECT: Transported?
Chief,
I've just detected an unauthorised transport from Jeffries tube 15 alpha to the Captain's quarters. Two life forms. Should I investigate?
Sue
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Susan Nicoletti, alpha-6-7-6-beta
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:12
SUBJECT: Tools down, Lieutenant
Ignore it, Sue, it's authorised. Why don't you come and join the party? Leave Vorik in charge of Engineering. Damn Vulcan would make any excuse to avoid a party anyway.
Torres
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Vorik, sigma-4-lambda-4-9
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:28
SUBJECT: For your information
Lieutenant, I am receiving reports of strange noises from one of the crew quarters on Deck 3. I am proceeding to that location to investigate. I will keep you informed.
Vorik
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Vorik, sigma-4-lambda-4-9
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:32
SUBJECT: Permission denied!
Vorik, do not leave Engineering. Do not send a team to that location. Remain where you are. I will take care of the situation.
Torres
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:34
SUBJECT: Now what, hotshot!?
What the hell is Paris up to? First he transports himself and the Captain to her cabin, and now someone's reported "strange noises". I've had to divert two Engineering teams already. What do we do? Should we tell Chakotay?
B'Elanna
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:37
SUBJECT: I'm going to kill him
Don't do anything. For God's sake don't tell Chakotay. Let me figure something out. Can you keep Chakotay distracted?
H
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:38
SUBJECT: With pleasure
Of course I can keep Chakotay distracted. For as long as I need to ;)
B
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:38
SUBJECT: Egg on your face?
Might I suggest that you take it easy on that egg-nog as well, 'Lanna?
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:42
SUBJECT: Status report?
Tom, what the hell is going on! You're not doing anything you'll regret ... are you?
Harry
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AUTHORISATION: Lt. Thomas Paris, 8-gamma-7-9-epsilon
DISTRIBUTION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:55
SUBJECT: Whoa ...
Kat's in the other room. Oh my God. Regret? No way, no WAY! She's coming back ... gotta go.
Tom
PS This is the best New Year's Eve I've ever had. Ever, ever, EVER!!!
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AUTHORISATION: Ens. Harry Kim, sigma-7-4-1-rho
DISTRIBUTION: Lt. B'Elanna Torres, 1-3-sigma-4-6
SENT: Thursday 31 December, 2372
TIME: 23:58
SUBJECT: Screwed
ATTACHED: whoa.txt
I don't believe it. He did it. THEY did it.They're STILL doing it. Oh God. This is so wrong!
B'Elanna, would you get your tongue out of the Commander's mouth and pay attention for a second?
H