Summary: Kathryn tries to spice things up in the bedroom. Chakotay almost ruins everything.
Characters: Janeway, Chakotay
Disclaimer: Paramount/CBS own the rights to the Star Trek universe and its characters, which I am borrowing without permission or intent to profit.
Notes: Prompted by @anonymous in the tumblr meme kinky prompts, who asked for Janeway/Chakotay + #4, anal sex. I couldn't resist turning this into the very definition of crack fic. I'm so sorry.
Kathryn, are you home? … Kathryn?
… In here.
Shut up, Chakotay.
… I’m almost too afraid to ask, but … what are you doing?
What does it look like I’m doing?
I decline to answer on the grounds that I might end up sleeping on the couch.
Very funny. Could you make yourself useful and help me please?
Uh, sure. Are you, uh, trying to put it on or take it off?
Off, Chakotay. Off.
Good, okay. Hold on.
Uh, Kathryn? I think … it’s stuck.
I do not want to hear this, Chakotay!
Okay, don’t panic. We’ll get you out of this … what is it, anyway?
I didn’t catch that.
I said it’s called a butt harness.
It’s not funny!
Would you shut up? … Look, you need to unfasten this buckle here. Then pull this strap through that loop and – Focus, Chakotay!
I’m sorry …
Honestly, you’re like a teenage boy sometimes. … Now what? What’s wrong with the strap?
It’s hooked onto something. Don’t worry, Kathryn … I’ll get to the bottom of it …
Oh, for God’s sake. I’m never having sex with you again.
Okay, okay! Forgive me, I didn’t mean to make you the butt of the joke … Ow!
You deserved that.
I’m sorry Kathryn, I’ll stop being an ass.
Argh! That’s it, I’ll handle this myself. You can just butt out … Damn it! I didn’t mean – It’s not that funny!
… Okay. I’m good. No, honestly, I’m under control. What do you need me to do?
Why are you wearing this thing, anyway? I mean, not that I’m complaining. You do look very sexy in it.
I wanted to surprise you. I thought… it’s been a while since we had a whole evening to spend together, and I – I’ve missed you.
I’ve missed you, too. And I mean it about this harness thing. It’s sexy.
Really. Here… feel how much I like it.
… Chakotay …
Does that feel good?
What about this?
You like that?
You want more?
I want you naked. Now.
I can get behind that … Ouch!
Do you want me completely out of the mood, Chakotay?
Kathryn, come on, I’m only teasing…
Not the kind of teasing I had in mind.
Hey, come back here … Look, I’m naked, just like you asked.
Forget it. I hope you find the couch comfortable tonight.
I’ll make it up to you. We’ll do that thing you like…
Oh, and you get nothing out of it at all, right?
I never said I didn’t like it too. Come here.
No, it’s too late. Get off me.
Are you sure?
Yes, I’m su-u-h … oh…
… Oh God.
Do you want me to stop?
Because if you ask me to, I will. I’ll be bummed, but –
Chakotay! Oh my God! I swear I’ll – oh, like that. Yes.
Like that, huh?
I guess it’s true what they say, huh?
Fuck, you’re tight – That laughter makes for great sex.
Then it’s a good thing … oh God … that you crack me up.
Kathryn Janeway, did you just –
Shut up and fuck me, Chakotay.